For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of a shoe the horse was lost. And so continues the age-old proverb. Last week in Fermoy it seemed to be a case of ‘For want of a stapler the Tidy Towns competition was lost.’ Well not quite, but the adjudicator in his report warned the committee of the need to keep him on side. They hadn’t endeared themselves to him over their lack of a stapler!

“When the adjudicator finds himself confronted by loose pages on a visit and there is no ready access to a stapler then that does not endear the writer to the adjudicator,” the report stated, rather sniffingly. Loose pages in its submission wasn’t the only thing commented upon. The judge told the committee its map was “of little use to an adjudicator who does not know the town and it presupposes that one is aware of the numerated locations.” The advice was to consider a hand drawn map that relates to work projects. “It would also help if you were to present your submission in booklet form or stapled,” the committee was told again.

BEATING THE DRUM

Another remark had bemused committee members scratching their heads in puzzlement. “One is intrigued by the novelty of your means of communication with the community and well done,” the judge told them. Come again? What ‘novel means of communication’ is he referring to? Are Fermoy Tidy Towns members sending smoke signals? Beating their message out on drums? They’ve no idea what the judge meant.

As regards the loose pages, Tidy Towns chairman Noel McCarthy said they were disappointed that the judge found a criticism but they were satisfied the submission itself was compiled and presented in a wholly professional manner. “We take on board the judge’s remarks” the chairman said, adding that they hoped the criticism didn’t reflect in their marks, though he didn’t think it did. He said the matter of the loose pages in the submission would be addressed in next year’s entry.

He also pointed out that the judge had a lot of good to say about the town in his report, which is certainly the case. They were commended for their concentration on litter awareness, their engagement with local schools and told the condition and appearance of the approach roads impressed greatly.

In a colourful and sometimes idiosyncratic report, the judge also commented: “The town is speckled with churches of various denominations, all standing firm so heaven should be teeming with Fermoy people.” Another observation was that “This old market town has preserved itself well despite the threat of the fast flowing Blackwater, the recession and traffic that is not willing to pay tolls.”