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Pictured at a recent talk in Mitchelstown on suicide awareness were back (l-r): Ger Rynne of Console, Sadie Allen of Ballyhoura, Ailbe Coleman and front (l-r): John Hurley, Mary Mackesy and Pat Maher. Photo: Sandra Quinn

When someone dies by suicide, people feel listless and they don't know where to turn and when that person is young, the loss is often even harder to bear.

To help people in Mitchelstown to cope with bereavement and the loss of someone close to them, Community Drugs Worker Mary Mackesy invited Ger Rynne of Console to give a talk in The Firgrove Hotel last week. This talk and a walk organised by young people to raise awareness about suicide were triggered by the tragic death of Luke Hammond in September.

Speaking to the group in The Firgrove Hotel, Ger Rynne explained that when people grieve, they have to adjust to a way of life without a loved one and that everyone copes with grief differently.

He said that it is not just the loss of life which is grieved for, but also the loss of opportunities and a future for the deceased person and a loss of control and hope sometimes for those left behind.

Giving a stark image of what grief is like, Ger said that it doesn't always move in a straight line in a forward direction.

"Grief can be compared to waves on a beach, sometimes emotions, like tiny waves, just lap up onto the shore," he said.

Putting the amount of people who are potentially affected by the loss of one person's life into focus, Ger said that for every suicide, the first six people will suffer an intense grief, the next 10-30 people will have moderate grief and more than 50 people will have a strong reaction to the death, more so if that person was young.

He explained that people find different ways of coping and not everyone would need counselling or therapy after the death of someone close to them, but for others support services and outlets are what they need.

Ger said that there are healthy ways of coping and people can do this by paying attention to how they feel physically, their emotional state and their behaviour.

He said that people can build a symbolic or spiritual relationship with the person that died by visiting the cemetery, keeping something that reminds them of the person or doing something to commemorate their life and remember them.

Speaking specifically about suicide, Ger said that it is harder for those left behind to accept, because it feels as if the person has chosen death and those left behind find themselves constantly searching for a reason.

He said that while people will search for a catalyst moment, it is very often a number of things, which culminate and lead someone towards suicidal thoughts, rather than one isolated moment.

Putting this into context, he used an arresting image of a cup which overflows.

He said that a cup is full and when the last few drops are put in, it overflows and spills, but it wasn't the last two drops which caused it to spill, but rather all of the drops before that. The idea behind this is to deal with little problems as they arise, instead of letting things fester - if the problems are dealt with bit by bit, then the cup will never get full, but if they are left to build up, it will overflow.

If you or anyone you know are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, there are a number of services and supports out there to help. Aware 1890 303302, Childline 1800 666666, Console 1 Life 1800 247100, Pieta House 01-6010000 or visit www.pieta.ie, North Cork Mental Health Services 021-4821411 and Samaritans 1850 609090.

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